For many of us life feels as if we got handed the craptastic end of the stick. There are times when we cry in our cars, shout in the mirrors, point fingers and succumb to our negativity. I get it. I really do. I have been reading inspirational and spiritual stuff since I was in my twenties. There were/are many times I've seen the phrase, "Just take the leap". But what happens when we have real life issues? What happens if our dreams our beyond our reach, out in the distance and seemingly impossible to obtain?
The past couple of months have been... rough, for lack of a better term. I have been struggling with trying to keep up with all that I want to do and the need for crawling in my blankets and sleeping for the next few months. While my days are slowly getting better and my mood is improving more and more. I still can't help to think that there are so many people that are just as stuck as me.
Most of what we read online is a personified version of our best self. We try to make ourselves sound as if outlives are perfect. But life is just the opposite. Life is messy, bumpy, dramatic, hard , and extremely upsetting. But it doesn't always have to be a bad things. We have to go through the struggle right? We have to tough it out through the bad so that we enjoy the good? So how do we go through it without loosing our soul? Create our stories!
I have always been a fan of fairy tales and tales of adventure. They were a big part of my growing up and a big influence in the shaping of my heart. I grew up reading these tales of strong characters going through terrific struggles, fighting for what they believed in and having amazing gifts to offer the world. This trickled into my adult years with adding love to the stories. (even though it was always there, when your a kid it doesn't have the same effect.)
:I recently started to re watch the show Once upon a time. I have forgotten how much I loved that show. Getting to watch the adult version of my favorite fairy tales...yes please! The deeper I get into the show the more I realize the ways that fairy tales can help in our own lives. We are born into certain families, go through child hood growth, set off on our big adventure, hit snags, sadness, happiness and responsibilities. Then we find love. We find the friends that help us along the way, make peace with our parents, and find a companion to share in the joys of life. Here's the deal, we all have to deal with "real life" so why should we have to conform in making it boring?
Yes, we have to pay our bills, we have to work our jobs, take care of the leaky faucets and do things that piss us off. We have to go through heartbreak and disappointment. We have amazing days and terrible days. We get angry, sad, happy, ecstatic, and egotistical. We fail and make mistakes. All these things are what makes our story so interesting. It is what shapes us into the people we were meant to be. It is what helps us strive to achieve our goals. If we didn't have to struggle we wouldn't learn about our selves.
Start Writing Your Fairy Tale:
Grab your journal or laptop:
Realities and Responsibilities we all have (even if they aren't what we truly want):
Amazing things that we all have (even when times are hard):
Here I am sitting in my new place, movie playing in the background and loving this lazy Sunday. We are on the eve of October and I couldn't be more excited. Even through the last bit of heat from the summer you can start to feel a breeze coming through the trees. The smells of fall begin to fill the air and our beloved Pumpkin Spice flavors and scents start to stock the shelves.
Fall is my absolute favorite season of the year. I love the colors, outfits, scents, flavors, and the energy that stirs our hearts. Fall always seemed to be the time of the year where I feel change is coming. A chance to start anew and prepare for the coming year. It is a time for planning, resting, and one of the best times of year for self love. I always feel super charged during the months of October through December. (I'm a winter baby so I love the colder months..)
The past couple of months have been somewhat tough on my spirit, I got into a major rut and felt stuck in the mud so deep that I couldn't see the end. I learned a few things during this period. I learned that I can call upon help when I need, I have an amazing support team, I am much stronger than I give myself credit for and there are possibilities in almost every situation. While no one dreams of getting dumped or loosing a job, and yes while these situations are extremely stressful, we almost always come out alright in the end.
Friday morning I woke up and realized how happy I was to be in my place. I feel really good in my new little apartment. It is slowly coming together and I can see my self excited to be home. There have been a few times in the past week or so where I randomly giggled out loud. Having an overwhelming sense of happiness. I follow these random outbursts with an affirmation, "I'm gonna be okay and I'm gonna be just fine."
I have also begun to look at the past few months from more of an outside perspective. Looking back on the situations with a different pair of eyes and being able to see things as they really were. This has helped me in the healing process and I only wish I could have figured this out sooner. Wow I mean Wow! Now being able to look at a situation objectively doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, Just the opposite. It's being able to honor those feelings, see what needs to be seen and working through it. Seeing certain things as blessings and new open windows.
This is another reason why I love fall, it feels like the start of a new journey. It is filled with hopeful energy. it is a time we snuggled in comfy sweaters, read long books, take walks in the city, and check out the colors on a country road.
Fall also helps us to reflect and see how far we have come. It is a great time to re-vist your journals, old blogs, letters or at old photos. Take a look at all you have accomplished in the past few years. See how strong you have become. Try to remember the situation and see what would have happened if you choose a different path. See if you have any recurring mistakes or characteristics that you can learn from. It's eye opening to go back and see your younger self. I usually reflect on these things and then write my younger self a letter in my current journal.
All of my decisions and experiences have led me to where I am now. While I don't regret the choices I have made, I do wish that I sometimes would have reacted better. But here I am, at peace with were I am and allowing for the universe to guide me to my next journey.
I have been procrastinating on writing this post not to mention almost closing my entire blog for a while. Knowing that I promised I would always be honest and somewhat transparent on here, being completely open about my personal life is somewhat daunting. Letting complete strangers learn about your triumphs is one thing but letting them know about the struggles you go through is something completely different. Aren't I supposed to be the one who knows what to do? Shouldn't I be the one that has the magical solution to problems? The truth is I am just as human as the next person. I turn my experiences into inspiration for others, but sometimes I need a little inspiration myself. This is one of those times. About a month ago my boyfriend decided that it was time he moved on and went his separate way leaving me crushed.
This ended up happening 2 weeks before our new lease started. I loved the apartment we were in but just could not afford it by myself. So here I was dumped, jobless and needing to find an apartment, I was feeling pretty low. All of my insecurities wanted to pop up and hand me my ego on a silver platter. But I decided that I had to get up and do what needed to be done. I went into instant survival mode. It was like I was saving face to avoid the reality of the situation. Not really the healthiest modality but it is what I had to do in order to get through a rough couple of weeks.
Survival mode actually helped me to realize something about myself, I a, stronger than I have ever given myself credit for. I knew I didn't have time to fall apart, I didn't have time to drown myself in ice cream, I knew I had to do what needed to be done. I immediately started looking for apartments, making plan b, c, and d. Started applying to part time positions and began to call upon my support network. Survival mode pushed back the tears and push the strength I needed forward. The only problem with survival mode is the fact that at some point I would have to deal with the hurt of the situation.
During the period of finding a place, packing and moving I wasn't allowing myself to actually feel. I was more stressed than I have been in a long time and my anxiety was on an all time high, It was also hard to go from being in a relationship to the friend zone. Living with him for the last two weeks was super hard. I felt as if I wasn't only losing my boyfriend, I felt as if I was loosing my best friend at the same time. But with all that on my mind, I kept somewhat calm and tried to be as kind as possible.
When I finally got the keys to my new place and the last box was moved in, I finally came to terms with what happened. It hit me hard, I couldn't actually believe that after 3 ½ years I was starting over and single again. This was someone I held in such high regard, I loved him, adored him and wanted a future with him. And just like that, it was done. I finally started to process the feelings inside. Feelings of love, hate, anger and even forgiveness. I finally was able to release what I had been holding in for so long. I slowly fell to the floor and just let my tears flow. The best part about releasing is the fact that it is the start of the healing process.
Something that I am entirely grateful for is I don't have to do this alone. I have an amazing support team that is helping me to get back on track, reminding me of my worth, lending a helping hand and shoulders to cry on. I can't thank my parents and friends enough for the long talks, snap chats, emails, and letting me talk things out. I am reminded everyday that I am strong, caring and fully capable of taking care of myself.
The silver lining to this post is that I know I can make it through the storm. I know that after the rain falls there will be a rainbow. I'm getting a second chance and clean slate to start a brand new chapter in my life. I have the creative freedom to take care of myself and starting my new life. I go to sleep and wake up each day reminding myself of all that I'm grateful for in my life.
Little by little and day by day I know things will get better and my heart will mend. I know that I will be able to continue to form a friendship even if it wasn't as it was before. I know that in time I will see why all this has happened. I know that I will be able to make it through this and help others to make it through there own stories.
I am ready to get my new life started and to continue to do the things that make me happy. This blog being one. I decided that this blog is one of my outlets. It is like a journal that reaches others and we can share our stories. I am ready for my next adventure, I'm ready to start again.
"To live, to live would be an awfully big adventure." -Peter Pan
"Magic only comes to those who believe in it."
Hi, I'm Bex!
Making my way through this 30 something life!
Facts about me:
Loves Hot Pink
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