How was your June? Miss me? With all the blogs, articles and social media posts I'm happy to be back in your sights again. While I truly wanted to write more the past month the inspiration was lacking. Not that I didn't have anything to share, just knew it wasn't the right time. Most of the things I was going through would have made me incredibly depressing to read.
The start art of the summer was less than one would have been excited for. It was a big month of growth and learning. I was struggling hard with my anxiety and fighting a spiral that was trying to drag me to the bottom of my sheets. I was mean, sort, sensitive and uncontrollable anger for the world around me. It was a place I dislike going because it is the side of me I find hardest to love.
I was trying to hold onto a rope that was loose at both ends. I knew I was pushing people away as well as sabotaging my own happiness. I was scared that if I enjoyed the happiness it would suddenly go away. Pretty ridiculous I know. I felt as if everything that was bringing me joy was slipping away. And the repeated excuse was because I was moving.
Moving! Omg how could I forget one of the biggest reasons for my stress...moving across country. As much as I would like to pretend I'm not freaking out, I'm suddenly aware of the ball of nerves curled up in my stomach. While I'll admit the excitement of this epic adventure is still there, the reality of getting out there is a daunting task on my plate. Leaving everything I know to experience everything I have yet to explore. It's a wild thought. Finding a place, getting stuff out there, saying goodbye for who knows how long. It's wild.
Something I witnessed while I was going through last months emotional roller coaster, was the epidemic of false positivity. Everywhere I looked it was as if no one wanted to relate to reality. No one was mentioning that they felt the same at times, that they had bad days. I was getting mixed reactions when I would talk to others. Some would tell me to grin and move on, some would say it's okay to fall apart at times and then there were some that told me that I had to *fake it till I felt it. *Side note: this can be true in most situations, but understand you have to heal the pain first.
There were very few bloggers showing the darker side of their souls, social media is full of fake reality and false positivity. False positivity is when you only talk about how wonderful things are going but are lying about your reality. It's not being honest with yourself or others. False positivity is when we fall apart but tell others how easy it is to fix "our" lives. Because we want the world to believe that we have the happiest, most movie-esque life. I get it, it's hard to take a step back and realize you're needing a moment. We have perceived trying to be weakness and perfection to be the norm. It's very disorienting.
I had to take a step back and analyze what I was doing. Was I taking art of the fakeness? Was I sharing false positivity to friends, family and followers? The sad truth, yes I was. I was pretending like everything was okay, I was lying and putting up a good front. Cause why would anyone want to see me loosing my grip on life at the moment. I wasn't taking care of my reality. I wasn't being authentic.
It's okay to have bad days, or weeks. It's okay to fall apart and pick yourself up. Multiple times in your life. No one really has their shit together, as much as they like to portray it that way. We don't have to be strong all the time. Go easy on yourself and be patient. Remember that what we see online is only a glimpse into someone's actual life and what they are going through. Be honest with yourself and your loved ones.
You have come so far in life, making it day by day and trying each and every morning. It's okay to take time to build your life. It is always okay to start over several times. It is never to late to start your dreams or get back into the saddle. Don't let the world of social media make you feel as if you're less of a person.
"Magic only comes to those who believe in it."
Hi, I'm Bex!
Making my way through this 30 something life!
Facts about me:
Loves Hot Pink
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