You see for around two weeks now I have been fighting with my desire to heal and teach combated with thee do of self doubt. Do I really have a purpose? Who am I to help others? When thoughts like this creep up on oneself it is extremely hard to believe our dreams will come true. At the same time we also have to be accountable for the things that we aren't doing for ourselves or for our greater purpose. This is the point I am at now. Finding myself accountable for the things I want in my life.
I have always had a story, it has always been there in the development stages. Hell I'm still in my story now. I must admit up until recently I have been afraid to tell my story. Fearing that the characters involved in my life would be offended or victimized by the truth of how they played a part. Then I think of the fact that what if it was all just a perception of how I absorbed what was happening around me, would anyone really want to hear about that? While most of my story involves crazy things I put myself through, there are also times of great change, growth, pain, love, hurt, and an unobtainable amount of learning experiences. And being afraid of someone getting offended by my words seems like a silly thing to be worried about.
Let me tell you right now, we all have struggling issues. We all have bad days! There are plenty of times I ask the Goddess why I'm not being recognized for my services. But the truth is it takes time. It isn't always a magical moment when you take the leap. And yes you will get discouraged and you will think about quitting. I have been trying my whole adult life to get out there and find my purpose that I forgot what that truly means. What I truly want for my life, self and my business. We must sit down with ourselves and honestly dive deep into our souls. Asl ourselves the hard questions as well as heal the things we often ignore. It is time! What is it that you are searching for? What is it that you have buried deep within you and you feel could help others?
My story thus far contains all that of which I needed to experience in order to serve my purpose. A woman from an affluent family deciding to break the chains and cycles in order to renew and change the future. I was always different, always questioning or trying to prove something. I am forever the unicorn trying to show that you don't have to change just to fit in or to become what others want you to be. I have broken all the statements, "Once you get a big girl job", "If you change your clothes and where makeup they'll take you seriously" and my personal favorite, "as a women...". All these moments throughout my life has led to me becoming a more confident person. And yes it has taken years, tears, chats with friends, loss of friends, family and everything in between.
I am here to prove that none of the people who have put me down have kept me there. In fact after the initial hurt goes away you start to see that usually the people giving you trouble are the ones that can inspire you the most. It is their pain and reflections of what they want to change about themselves that surfaces to jealousy, anger, hatred, or even toxic love. I have been bullied for most of my life, yes adults are bullies too, and looking at the things I've been attacked for seems so ridiculous. I have been bullied by both people I don't know as well as people with whom I thought were closest to me. Yet, it has brought me to where I am today.
So today as you're going about your life maybe take stock of the dreams you had, have and want to have in the future. Start to address areas that need to evolve or grow. Where do you feel anxiety when it comes to telling your story? Those are the areas in which to find elements of your purpose. Those are the areas in which you will see toxic people arise. Boundaries are only retaliated against by those with whom they are needed. The people who most effected your life will start to show themselves. Those who have always and honestly supported you will stand strong at your side as you work towards your growth. Those that benefit from your pain or low level misery will show anger and tell you how much you're different. Trust me I am going through it myself.
As I moved to Colorado I began to see the path that I came from and that the shit that happened in my past needed to be addressed and healed. I needed to start standing up for my self and my beliefs. I started to get flack from people that weren't interested in my life before suddenly had an opinion about the life I was living. People who don't know anything about the happiness in my life but want to point out all the bad situations. I've even had "family" contact me about my choices and comment on things they only heard in rumors. But the best part is, I suddenly realized that this is my life. This is my story, and those that choose not to support me or encourage me are really not the people I should allow into my life. Sounds kinda rough but after years of being told how one should be it's extremely liberating to just block, unfollow, delete.
I have decided to reevaluate so many things this year. How I want to run my business, or what I want for my business. How I want to live and the choices I make. Letting go of toxic people while nursing more of the loving relationships that I have. To honor those that honor me. To be grateful for all the experiences I have had and the life that I have received. It's hard, it's messy and you will piss a lot of people off. You deserve to tell your story! And to keep creating that story from here on out, how ever you want. The world have enough pain, toxicity and non believers. Go out and go forth in your magic, your power. Stand up for everything you believe in. Allow for change, growth, acceptance and forgiveness.
I want to know! I want to hear your stories. Share with me a situation you're going through that jumpstarted your awakening. Be proud of who you are, where you've come from, and where you want to go. I love you if no ones told you that today. You are amazing and incredibly important. Don't ever feel like your story is not enough or different than others or that it's not a story to share. I support you! Go out there and change your script!