About last night...
I have spent several minutes focusing on how to write what I am about to write, so here it is...even I have rough times too. As someone who battles with depression and anxiety I understand what it is like not wanting to move forward or feeling as if the world is caving. This is how I got into this lifestyle, I wanted to help others because I understand what it's like to feel incredibly low and helpless. So what prompted this entry? You see for the past week or so I have been on the edge of what some call a depression spiral. By now I know the signs and try my best to work with them, but sadly sometimes it becomes to much. Yesterday was just that, I crashed. It began shortly after waking up and just accumulated over the day. I felt as if I had all this pressure coming at me and felt as if I didn't know where to turn. My brave boyfriend sat with me through the whole thing, he listened, consoled and held me through it all. I am truly grateful for his help and guiding me back to where I needed to be, telling me it would be ok, and it is.
While I would love to post about how great it was to have my boyfriend pull me out my hole, that is not what this entry is about. You see I woke up this morning and realized, I have forgotten to take care of myself. I have slacked on my routine, and slowly procrastinated on the things that help me from slipping. I never knew how easy it was to fall of the boat when you are helping others, but alas I did. But I noticed something this morning, maybe I was meant to go through this, maybe I was meant to feel super low to pick myself back up and move forward. I have looked back on the past several years and realized that every time I fell, had a spiral, melt down or got stuck, were all met with amazing results afterwards. I was once told, "An arrow can only be pulled back so far before it launches you into something great!". This means that when life is dragging you back be prepared for the launch into your next big thing. So stay focused and keep aiming towards your goal.
Releasing those negative emotions, feelings and thoughts
Negative emotions, feelings and thoughts, are something that happen to us all. Even the most enlightened can get annoyed or upset. It is one way that we release the dark matter inside of us. So don't dwell, you're just balancing out and letting go. Also, don't forget that we are only human and we are experiencing things so that we grow. It is hard to say that these are learned behaviors, but most of the time they are. We are shown from a young age things such as jealousy, competition and comparison. Plus, we also have those learned behaviors from the situations that we experience over time. For example, A girl who has been bullied about her weight will not only judge herself but will have negative reactions to a picture of a girl who is thought to be "perfect" by media standards. Someone who has been cheated on by a significant other would have negative reactions and jealousy issues. But this isn't just about our reaction to other people, there are also reactions to things going on inside of ourselves.
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, times have taught us that we have to be great multi taskers, super humans and upstanding role models. We judge our worth by materialistic things, job positions, and money. Think about it, what is the most common questions at a party when meeting someone new? "What do you do?" Usually our first responses our what we do for a living or how we pay our bills. Most people font ask, what do you LIKE to do, what are your hobbies, dreams goals, etc. So when asked the question about what we do can lead us into those dreaded thoughts of judgement and self doubt. Unless of course you have your dream job, then by all means talk away. But for some that question can seem a tad bit annoying.
One of the biggest ways we dwell on negativity is by not feeling good enough. Our thoughts and mainly our egos, tell us that we are not capable to achieve things that we want. That is what happened last night which is why I wanted to blog about it today. I went through the seven layers of self hatred and by the time my boyfriend came home I was well on my way through the gates of personal hell. My ego and self doubt was in full force and I felt as if nothing I've done has meant a lick. I felt worthless, hated and unsuccessful. Then after a couple of hours we worked it out and he reminded me of who I was and how much I have achieved. He just kept saying, you are worth it, it's going to be ok and don't give on your dreams. Let's not also forget that even though it was hard to hear he reminded me that I needed to go back to the basics and coach myself as if I was coaching a client. Omg! At first my ego was screaming negativity from all corners of my mind. Coach myself, pish posh. But he was right I needed to go back through and get myself back on the horse. So that is what I did starting today!
My top ways to get through negative thoughts,feelings & emotions:
I hope that this blog reached you and helped you feel less alone. As always I plan on being completely honest with you all and I am grateful to be able to share my experiences. Remember nurture your relationships, take time for yourself, reach out to friends and love yourself unconditionally. We all make mistakes, have moments of weakness and sometimes think nasty things. It's ok, together we will overcome our fears and come out stronger than ever before.
Remember, those of us who cry at night become stronger in the morning. So don't judge yourself when you fall apart, in fact sometimes it's needed. The important thing is once its done get back up and keep going. It's going to be alright! <3
Thanks for stopping by. Much love and big, big hugs!
"Magic only comes to those who believe in it."
Hi, I'm Bex!
Making my way through this 30 something life!
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