One of the hardest things to deal with is the anxiety that is caused by guilt. How many times have you done something, made a choice or impulsively acted only to have sleeplessness at night? It is amazing how often we suffer from unnecessary anxiety just beacuse we make decisions. A lot of times we do things without thinking becuase at that moment of choice we are acting with feeling. Let me tell you right now, that is perfectly ok. What is not ok is not being accountable for those choices later. At times these choices are what catalyst our growth and make big impacts on our lives.
I have recently had to make a choice to leave a toxic enviornment and find something better for my own future. The process is what killed me. Each night leading up to my departure I had sleepless nights, stomach issues, anxiety attacks and more. Yes, I have anxiety too. I would try to be positive each morning only to return home negative, depressed and unmotivated. I had huge regrets for what I was doing. Then I realized that I regreted leaving because I was taking responsibility for things that were none of my concern and taking on others projections. We too often find ourselves in situations were we live to others expectations, peer pressure or bullying. I had to forgive myself as well as the others that were included.
Yesterday as I arrived home I felt the pangs of guilt rise up, you didnt try hard enough, what are they going to do, what if they.... For the 20 minutes it took to get home that is all that went through my head. I finally talked with my mother about what was going on and after 45 minutes on the phone she reassured me that we have to do certain things that are hard to make progress. I had to stopy worrying about what others are thinking, saying or what they are going to have to do. I have to forgive myself for making the choice that I did and let go of the guilt that I was harboring for leaving. That's exactly what I did, forgive. I took a good long meditation and kept saying my mantra of, "I forgive them for projecting and pressuring. I forgive myself for making a choice and for the actions that I made."
This morning I awoke feeling much better and learned from my experience. So I decided to share so that you know you are not alone. Forgive your self, learn from your mistakes and choices. Nothing is more important than you and your future.
Peace and Love
"Magic only comes to those who believe in it."
Hi, I'm Bex!
Making my way through this 30 something life!
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