Often we find ourselves in a state of loneliness. I hear often the words and statements of fear of being alone. "I'm getting older and my time for kids is running out", "If I don't find a man/woman soon I'm never going to get married", "They broke my heart, I don't want to go through that again...I'll just be alone forever". We all go through this. It is the last bit of desperation that our mind puts us through. You get the feeling of not being good enough to have a partner of stability (don't mean pay for all your bills) but a person that respects and loves you for who you are. Because you respect and love yourself.
When is the last time you took yourself out? When is the last time you did something because you wanted to, without hesitation or guilt? We spend so much time worrying about impressing others that we too often forget about ourselves. What most of us fail to realize is that the first step to loving others is to love ourselves first.
So here's a great exercise you can do to help kick fear out and start loving yourself and doing things that you've always wanted to do.
- In a notebook or computer write at the top of the paper..."My Self Love list"
- First write down a list of things you want in a partner or if you have one, things you would like your partner to do. Really think about this. Do you want a partner to cook for you? Take you to the beach? Cuddle? Whatever it is write/type it down. We will come back to this later.
- Next write down a list of things that you love about yourself, and not just physical features. Do you like the way you laugh? How about the way you can make people feel better after a hard day? These are all important.
- Next I want you to write a list of things you want to do but were either afraid, "didn't have the time" or were told by others that you needed to ignore and focus on your career, get married, to old, what ever the reason. Have you always wanted to be a dancer? What about painting? Or even run your own business?
- Now I want you to make a list of things I would do if I had a partner/things I would do if I didn't have a partner. (Now I'm not saying to break up with someone, this is just hypothetical.)
- Now go back to the first list and write down things I'm going to do for myself. If you want someone to cook for you, you can write down, "I will start cooking the things I love and take myself out to dinner once or twice a month.
- Finally we are going to make a self love action plan. Write down one major goal that you want to achieve for yourself by a certain date. For example, "I want to take belly dance classes" then underneath it write down the days of the week. Within those days write small steps you need to achieve Your goal. For example, if you have Monday thru Sunday down, "Monday, look for studios and special offers. Tuesday, decided on place. Wednesday, pick class. Thursday get supplies." So on and so forth. As you do a task cross it off and write a small note of encouragement by it.
- Last but not least write down affirmations of your goal on post it's and place them around your house where you can see them. "I am an amazing dancer." "I've got the most awesome shimmy ever." "Today I will say 5 nice things to myself and compliment me." "I am beautiful, intelligent and have many things going for me" This will strengthen your thoughts to be positive and very self motivating.
By writing lists we are able to evaluate ourselves and priorities and really see the things that are important to us. Action plans help us stay on track and help us reach our goals. You are wonderful and amazing. Never forget that.