The other night while talking to a friend I realized just how much I have let past relationships (both romantic and platonic), control how I feel about myself. I have let way to many individuals tell me how I should feel about myself or live my life, and let me tell you, none of them positive.
I started to believe the toxic words that were placed upon me. Thinking for years that I am the one to blame, that there was something wrong with me. And year after year I would just compact these falsified words into my arsenal of insecurities.
Despite the lack of sleep this week, and regardless of the move that I am about to go on, I started to feed this fire. I started telling myself how awesome I was, how far I've come, the goals I'm going to achieve, and all the places I plan to travel. I began putting things into place and feeding my soul.
I'm not saying that things don't hurt, that breakups suddenly became easier, or the move any less daunting. It didn't make my past disappear and it didn't bring back the person who got away. But what it did do, this new found flicker, is it showed me that I am someone that deserves happiness and love. I am worthy of my dreams and no one can tell me otherwise.
This past year was one whirlwind of emotions. One filled with tears, laughs, life lessons and the change to needed to find the girl I lost long ago. With only a week and a half left in Atlanta, I'm moving forward with hope and determination. I'm leaving behind the pain and heartache while only keeping the loving memories and growth. This week I felt a fire build up within me. I started to love the skin I'm in and see the colors of myself peeking through..
Even with all the stress of the move and anxiety it creates, I look out on to the horizon seeing hope and optimism. I woke up the other day and saw all that I have become and all that I have left to do. I saw this woman who had played such roles in her life and the strength she gained from them.
The other night after a long emotional talk with one of my friends, I suddenly saw the answers right in front of my eyes. I have no control over what or how these people have seen me. Everything that I have lead to believe negatively about myself was placed there by other peoples problems with themselves.
The day after our talk I woke up seeing the flicker of that inner flame glowing beneath the service. I saw the beauty that I longed to see in myself. I saw the confidence raise up and the inspiration to go for everything I have ever dreamed of.
I'm here to tell you that it is possible, at any age to start anew. It is possible to start healing the past while working on your future. I'm also here to tell you that you are worthy of love. That no matter the opinions of others, or how they treat you, you have every right to be happy in your life and with who you are. Don't change for anyone, don't try to be someone you're not just to appeal to others.
You are talented, beautiful, worthy, and important. And if you haven't been told today you have come far. You're strong, capable and have so much to offer. Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.