Here I am, in all my glory. I have not worn a bikini in almost 3years. I was not very happy with my body or myself. I let more than just my weight go, I let my spirit go.
I let everything I believed in just drift away.
But all that changed with one simple thing, believing in myself again. At the beginning of 2016 I was depressed, lacking, and searching for anything and everything that could make me feel different.
Replacing feelings with food, confidence with defense, and a good front of happiness.
It was a shit show. I was struggling ad grasping at any rope I could find. My relationships were hanging on by a thread and I felt envious of all the amazing things happening to my friends.
I felt horrible and selfish, sprinkled with a dash of bitterness.
Then all that changed. Around the start of Spring I decided it was time to go back to the basics. I started to review my course work from The Institute for Integrative Nutrition, and re read some of my favorite motivational books.
I began to realize that power comes from within, I was looking for "stuff" to fill the emptiness inside.
Getting back to the basics was a sure fire way to notice how very far off track I let my self get. It's funny I wasn't walking my talk or talking my walk. hehe I was just sliding by waiting for my life to start.
I forgot my life was already in motion. I was not living in the present at all.
I started to live more positively, healthy and decided that I needed to be my VIP coaching client. I wrote out the things I wanted to accomplish, change, and created an action plan to achieve my goals.
I flipped the script of my life in 6months!
That's all it took. I started focusing on the things that made me happy, feel happy and look happy. I began working out more, practicing yoga, got a make over and so much more.
Back to the bikini story. I was never really comfortable with my body. Years of being bullied, bad boyfriends telling me I was fat (in a negative way), and even my own inner critic. I would sit and cry for hours because of my thoughts.
I kept telling myself for years that being skinny meant happiness.
Even when I was thinner, I still believed I was unattractive, unwanted, and unworthy. Then it all came to a head with one day. Last month I got a very short haircut. I mean the dude pulled out the buzz clippers and I said, "let's do this". It was amazing.
With that one small change, my entire outlook changed.
It's hard to believe but I literally watched my confidence grow as the hair was falling to the floor. The second I walked out the salon, well actually, the second the chair spun around and I looked in the mirror; I knew I had to rock this look.
I knew that this haircut demanded confidence and I totally rock it!
Getting my hair chopped was such an amazing feeling. I have never had my hair this short and man does it feel amazing. It was like night and day. I began to see myself in a new light.
I began to reflect how I feel inside and out.
With the new hair cut, I started to update my wardrobe and makeup. Only keeping the things that made me feel proud, confident, and full of joy. I began new eating habits, working out, and started to take my self seriously.
I saw my body as a vessel and not as a burden.
With all the hype about body positivity, loving how we are and enjoying the skin we're in, it still can be a struggle. Loving your body is a process and takes time.
I went from a 1 piece, suck it in type of bathing suite, to a bikini that showed it all.
I still catch myself checking my stomach, or trying to hide a roll if it shows. But that just means I have to keep going. Since the beginning of the year and my decision to transform, I have lost 11lbs, a pants size, and increased my confidence ten fold.
With my confidence increased, I was attracting attention, clients, and better relationships.
I am so proud of how far I have come and I hope to inspire others to take notice of themselves. We are all beautiful. We all have amazing bodies and beautiful souls. Don't let the judgement or opinions of others drag you down.
Happy International BFF Day
Today is international BFF Day1 Wherever your friends are make sure you give them the high five they deserve.
If you're anything like me, your friends are your tribe, your urban family. Today is that day to honor those closest to you.
Write your friends a text, snap chat, or instagram and let them know how much they mean in your life. I promise they'll appreciate it more than you know.
In other news!
Bexster's blog is officially 2 years old today! I can't believe it. I am so happy and proud that I have come this far. So much has happened in the past two years.
Thanks so much for being a part of my wild journey. Here's to many more years of fun, laughs, tears, learning, and sheer goofiness.
Love and marshmallows!