"She saw her self in the stars, and the stars saw themselves in her."
When you're @ Struggle bus station
If you'v been following my journey, either here or on Instagram, you've probably noticed I was at struggle bus station lately. The past couple of weeks felt as if I was just continuously waiting for the bottom to drop out. I honestly felt as if I was going to stay in my downward spiral for a very long time.
I was pissing off friends, being completely bitter about everyone and everything around me, and I was seriously ready to give up. I mean full on, cont-command-delete and restart my life. I felt as if I was way to overwhelmed and drowning in my own brain, It was regrettably depressing to say the least. I wasn't able to pull myself out of the dark water. My world was slowly encompassing me and placing even more anxiety on my being. I felt lost, no purpose, unlovable and extremely week. I was in a very bad place for myself.
It took long conversations, crying, letting out anger and a whole lot of forgiveness. It wasn't until a very good friend of mine spent two hours with me on the phone, that I was able to finally see a light on the tunnel. Afterwards even I looked back and thought WTF Becca?!
When it's time to stop crying
I am one of those girls who has known heartbreak way to many times. I have given my heart out for to long only for it to be returned cracked, bruised and torn to pieces. Sadly, I recently went through this again. I was crushed, I felt as if everything hurt. The only comfort others could offer me was to tell me the same cliche statements we all have said. "Let it go, move on, if it's meant to be..." You know them well. And while yes, they are true, nothing was helping and I was way to stubborn to want to listen.
I became bitter, angry and horribly cruel about life this past week. I felt as if there was nothing that could make me feel better. Crying night after night with every hope and prayer. I was a mess. It looked as if my eyes would forever be swollen.
Then something amazing happened, I woke up and suddenly realized my power over myself. I was dancing in the shower this morning, singing at the top of my lungs, and a wave of confidence hit me. I knew deep down that no amount of crying was going to bring a person back nor would it make things hurt any less. I had to just go through this emotional period and pull myself back up.
When it's time to believe in you
Whilst singing in the shower this morning I decided that I needed to start small and begin to find myself again. I needed to go back through and find my power, my strength and my connection to my higher power. I needed to believe in myself again.
Return to the things that make me up as a person. I am a wild fire, gypsy witch and all around magic worker. I am a free spirit that needs to run wild with the winds. I am way more powerful than I give myself credit for. I am way smarter than what I've allowed myself to be lately. It's time to bust out the sword and get this party started.
It's okay to feel off and stuck and sometimes we all need a friend to push us to the point of realizing this. The important part is that we keep trying to grow and be a better person. Not just for our loved ones but for ourselves. We are more special than we think we are. Strong, powerful, loving and capable of amazing things. We are not made to pity ourselves.
I am ready to move forward and make some magic...how bout you?
Love and Hugs!